Living Waters Fellowship

Growing up I was raised in a Lutheran home. I was baptized, confirmed, and went through confirmation.  At that time I had no idea what the Bible was talking about, the assignments that we did in class I cheated off my friends to get the answers and really had no will to do it other than the fact that my mom wanted me to.  As I went through life my parents divorced when I was in 5^th grade and my brother and sister were so much older than me they didn’t want a whole lot to do with me.

As I went through middle school I was very lonely and depressed. My mom had to work all the time leaving me with either my cousin or at the babysitter for long periods of time. In 7^th grade I started to experiment with drugs and alcohol and using sex to escape from the problems that I was having at home. As time went on things continued to get worse. I started using with my dad, stopped going to school and found myself in the juvenile court system.

My 9^th grade year I was sent away to a shelter and because I continued to act out I was sent to Eldora Detention Center for Juvenile Delinquents. From there I was sent to Forest Ridge for drug treatment. I was in placement for about a year and a half.  While I was there I knew that there was changes that I needed to make. Religion was taught however at the time I felt like it was being pushed on me. I felt like I needed to do it for one of the councilors there instead of doing it for myself.

After being in placement for about a year and a half I was able to come home. I continued to go to church and be involved within the church. I didn’t know anyone at the time and really wasn’t interested in getting back into a group of kids that I was going to get in trouble with. It lasted for a while and eventually I slowly started going back to some of the old behaviors that got me in trouble in the first place.  I figured if I only did drugs and drank every once in a while and stuck to the light stuff it wouldn’t be that bad. I also worked a lot to stay away from home and have some money. Even after I came back my mom and I never really had all that great of a relationship. I was still mad at her for the things that she did and didn’t do for me as a child growing up. I continued to get good grades in school and because I my hard work I graduated a semester early.

My first semester at Hawkeye I thought everything was going to be great, and that’s when I found out I was pregnant. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had just started school, and felt like all the dreams that I ever had for myself were going to be shattered. I continued to go to school. Struggling to stay focused on school my grades were dropping and nothing really feel like it was falling in to place. My boyfriend and I were having problems and fighting a lot. We couldn’t seem to agree on anything.

On December 2, 2006 my son Aidan was born. Turning my world upside down I never seemed to have enough time in the day to get anything done and I didn’t want to leave his side. In August of 2007 I decided that I was going to try and pursue my dreams of being a Vet. I transferred to Iowa State, and began taking classes. Both of us moving up there and leaving everything behind we really didn’t have anyone in Ames to help us out.  Things continued to get worse; I was cheating on him and not going to class when I should have been, and coming up with every excuse in the book to get out of it to my professors. I was running away from everything that I thought I wanted in my life to try in fill that void in my heart. I starting hanging out with old friends again and drinking and doing drugs. I didn’t want to feel like what I was doing was wrong even though in my head I knew that it was. I was extremely torn inside know what I was doing to my family and especially my son. I hide it well enough from everyone else so I was the only one I thought that had to be hurt by it.

I moved to Ankeny with my sister, my boyfriend, and Aidan. I thought that way at least if anything happened Aidan and I would have a nice place to live and we would be with family. Things didn’t get any better, if anything they just got worse.  My boyfriend and I broke up in June leaving me with a son to take care of, bills to pay, no car, and no job.  My best friend starting coming around more and more. At the time she was going to church and I didn’t understand what she was doing. She was always doing something with them. At this point I really didn’t know where to go with my life. I wanted to be able to do what ever other 20-21 year old was doing, having fun and not worrying about life. I couldn’t however; I had Aidan to take care of.

I did what I knew best I found someone else. I thought it was going to be great. We started dating he had a good job, was going to school, and was a great guy in general. I was also going throw custody with Aidan’s dad. My lawyer told me that I should start going to church again so I tried it. We went to a church that his friend preached at. It was a Lutheran church a lot like the one that I went to when I was younger. I didn’t like it but he didn’t really seem interested in going anywhere else.

My best friend had been asking me to come to church for some time, on November 2, 2008 was the first time that I had attended Living Waters Fellowship. I really enjoyed it. The next week I went back. I loved the atmosphere and the people were so great.  That day Pastor Josh preached Philippians 3:1-11. He talked about how no matter what we have done in our life Jesus died for all of our sins on the cross, and the reason that he did that was because he knew if he didn’t we would never be able to have the relationship with God that we were supposed to have. God knows that we are sinners and that’s why he sent his only son to die for us. He wants us to have that relationship with him and ever lasting life. Pastor Josh also talked about the burdens of our sins that we carry around with us, and how no matter what we have done God loves. Those burdens that I was carrying around with me were causing me to be a horrible person. As my mind is racing with fear and sorrow, he says God loves us there was we are. I realized that I didn’t need the approval of anyone else. After Pastor Josh was done preaching we sang the last son. Molly said read the words and think about what they mean, if you don’t mean them don’t sing, just reflect on what it means to you.  I started out singing and I stopped. For the first time in my life I couldn’t sing. I was so overwhelmed with emotions and pain I broke down and just cried. After we were dismissed Pastor Josh came up to me and asked me if I knew Jesus as my savior. I told him No, I was so scared, and the next thing I know he says, “ Do you want to know Jesus Christ as your Savior?” I said YES, I was sill balling and so distraught that I couldn’t even complete a sentence without stopping. He told me alls I had to do was to pray for Jesus to forgive me of my sins and know that He died on the cross for me. He dies on the CROSS for me. After that moment I had never felt so loved in my life.  I never the hardest decision of my life could ever be that easy. After all those years not know he that void that I felt was finally filled. 

After my salvation things were difficult but for the most part noting to hard had come up yet. On November 23, 2008 I shared my testimony with the congregation of the Saylorville Baptist Church. It was great amazing, the feeling of know what I have gone through in my life may help someone else.  As I was leaving Pastor Josh told me that it was going to be a hard week, and he explained that Satan was going to try and temp me. That’s exactly what happened. My relationship with my boyfriend I began to feel differently about. I knew what we were doing was wrong. He was practically living with me. I sought out help with Greg and Laura. Where before I would have just continued and probably would have pushed him away like all the other ones, but this time is was different. I had someone to go to and talk about it and actually tell me something and it made sense. If you had asked me before, do you think that it is a good idea to live with someone before you get married, I would have said yes. Know is a different sorry.

We ended up breaking up. I was not only hurt but I seen the damage that it did to my son. The more and more that I read the Bible the easier it is for me to make the right decision. No one ever told me that life was going to be easy, but it’s defiantly not as hard as I was making it for myself.